Author Topic: Incest + sex abuse:::  (Read 9260 times)

Chris

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2007, 08:35:09 AM »
OK if this is considered a worse case, an extreme case or whatever, why did the guy only get 14 years?

They sitll don't get it do they?

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2008, 07:02:31 PM »

Adrians, and her dealing with Pedophillia::::

If this in any way, thought or form, that get spooked, or are not wanting to hear, some details, I would advise you not to read it.Thankyou!!!!! :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[
   *******************************************************

As most of you know, I am an incest survivor. He knew what he was doing is wrong, or he wouldn't have tried to keep it secret.
My mother found him in my room, middle of the night, while he had his dickout, hard, and he with a stupid smile.My mom told me to get to sleep, and said I was dreaming. I wet the bed that night.He screamed when his wife, opened my bedroom door.

This step father came in our lives when I was about two years old.He stuttered, was a drunk, but worked. Weekend drunks....my mom within a year, told me to not sit on his lap. I was getting older, at 3. WTF????

So the rules for distance, was set.my mom out shopping for groceries, at the Dominion (like safeway). He was caught supposed changing a diaper, or less, putting ointment on my vaginal area. My mom came in. First thing she said was Adrian, close you legs.

I used to watch Saturday cartoons, but had to stop, as he was forever, scratching, and exposing him self, and staring, that constant staring, like we shared something. I knew he was doing wrong.So I only watched the weekday, Flintstones.

When some one called welfare, child abuse, must of seen me running some nights under a neighbors porch. I was safe there.My parents were weekend drunks. When they came to our door, they spoke to my mom and step father. I was sent to balcany, till they left. All of a sudden they were talking about moving.

And to let you know:::, They do find each other.He made friends with the down stairs neighbor, who molested his daughter, at about 4 years old, and was only allowed supervised visits.

They were drinking down stairs, and when I heard them open bottom door, I hid in closet, behind suitcases.I was found immediately, so maybe they heard my foot steps? Any way, I was pulled out, there is MR. Lap,,,,one on one side of theded, all glassy eyes. THey were in their own world. I tried to run, and my step father, grabbed me and was feeling me up. I was about 11 years old.


It was the best time, as I broke free, and ran to door, it was my grand mother, the person I loved thru all. I was yelling. to the pigs, to keep there fucking hands off me. My grand mother, who was moving out of town, and came to say goodbye.(I was her pet) She told me at the car, that he has no business touching me, or trying to hurt me. Call police, or run to the station, or a teacher, Principal, school counceller.. BUT tell someone. She was really angry at my mom.I ran downstairs to my grand mothers home, and grandfathers

I went when there was middle of the night fight, cops or when ever. Her cure all for every thing, was ginger ale, and honey, and tea and honey.I loved ther to pieces. I never really told her, as I was so embarrassed. :-[ :-[ :-[

Inuendoes, were coming strong, as my mom told my girlfriends mom, and I listened, from back seat, pretending to be asleep.

I had started to cut myself.....back later. Sorry this is so long....


PS: Did he do anything to my friends? Also I was the most welcomed houseguest, as, I stayed at friends houses on week end.So at there homes, I could sleep in PJ's, and the door open, and feeling no fear

Next::THe role my mom played, and  her jealously of me. Weird!! You see, she often did weird things to me also, not sexual, but maybe.

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2008, 07:22:22 PM »
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;Hi, everyone, if you want to add to this thread, go ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the future, I will write,
about, my attempts to get help, teachers, who knew.

COPS:: AS there was so much violence, in my home, and afriend of my mothers, thru her hubby, down the stairs, and often slashed his head. Any way, it was Christmas, some one has called the cops, I asked the young on to take me home with him. He was shocked, but handled it well. I used to hide behind the mailbox, in front of cop shop, and watched for him.

Next, how a child copes..

Next: How you have to hide to your friends.

Next: The power of this man...and his scare tactics...

Next: How he once strangled me, and I could of Killed him.


Next: They never say sorry::::, and I partied when I heard of his death, a week or so later

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2008, 07:09:34 AM »


When a child is being abused, in a sexual, and mental way, you really are alone.You can't tell your friends, as you will be pushed away.They don't know how to handel it. I don't blame them at all.
 There is a part of your life that is off limits. To anyone. To be a child, and have a molester in the house, doesn't get any worse.My mother avoided the situation, she was not in denial, she acted jealous, and also provocative. Why would she ask all the male friends to give me a bath? I lived in a cold water flat in Montreal. So there was preperation.

NONE of those men abused me, but told my mom, to get a grip and quit drinking. I was very shy, and tho I was a good looking gal, I was scared of men, teens.and I remember punching one out on St. Catherines.Street.

I dressed like a guy mostly, my leather, my denim, and my FU attitude. I was hard to get to know. I liked that. No one screwed with me.I was an artist, my bro a folk singer, who opened for Dylon in Carnegie Hall. I joined the coffee houses.

I also had another life, away from that. I ran away to New York, with a guy., from Caugnawaga, now Kahnewake.

To day I work with lot's of people who were molested long term as a child.I am a good listener. I would love to talk with those in jail. You see, there was a time when my step father was choking me, that I wanted to kill him. Instead I got a bike gang to get him outa town.

We children of abuse have good instincts, and get gut hunches, and will act on them. It really bugs me when I see people who put their own children  on the street, to hustle.I want them in prison for life.!!!! >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

debbiec

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #19 on: April 14, 2008, 12:29:04 PM »
Adrian when you said you were an abuse survivor I had NO idea it was that horrific! As you know from another post I wrote I am also, (mine at the hands of an abusive,alcoholic husband). Even though I think all abuse is terrible and wrong no matter at the hands of who, yours was worse. However, the abuse did not stop with me either but continued on to my own children as well. He beat my poor son as a form of discipline and molested my daughter. I didn't know how to escape with my life as we were all so terrified of him, exactly as he wanted it. It was how he maintained control over all lf us. I believe that if it had just been me I may not have found the courage to get out but it terrified and horrified me what he would do to my kids and I couldn't stand that. I can relate to what you said about thinking of killing him as I also did the same. After I left I somehow found the courage to persue charges of sexual abuse against him for the sake of my daughter ( I wanted her to feel that he did not have any power over her life, and I felt that if she dealt with it it would be her best shot at healing). He only recieved a 9 month sentence which I thought was not enough. I tried to look at it like at least some closure had  come and he couldn't hide the truth any more as in the end he plead guilty. I believe that way he wouldn't have to have people hearing all the details. He also hid behind religion, although he was a total hypocrite. I am so glad you got out Adrian and look at how much you are giving back. Your spirit has survived as that is one thing they can never take from us. I don't understand your mother not being there for you so as a mother myself I can only say I am sorry for what you had to go through and I am glad you survived to be here.

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #20 on: April 14, 2008, 04:22:59 PM »


I am really glad that you charged him. It gave you and your children some sense of control, and we need that. It is good you were strong enuff to take charge, and take this issue up with the law.

I know that 9 months is not enuff for abuse suffered, but I bet he felt like sh!t, the whole time.Plus it made you and yours feel better. I hope all is well with you now, and your kids.

You know, it could be anyone of us who is "that gal/guy, on the corner'. Addiction strikes anyone , anywhere, we have to be more powerful than the drug. We need those coping skills, to make the right choices. I went to 4,5 lifeskills classes, till I was ready to work, and have a life.One of them offerred me a job. Ha! Take care, and am happy you are here. ;D ;D

debbiec

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #21 on: April 14, 2008, 04:59:01 PM »
I remember someone once told me the best revenge is living well and I believe that!

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #22 on: April 14, 2008, 05:39:01 PM »


Gotcha!!!!! ;) ;)

Chris

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #23 on: April 14, 2008, 11:39:48 PM »
I remember someone once told me the best revenge is living well and I believe that!

YEha, that is a so true!

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #24 on: May 08, 2008, 05:42:00 AM »
I would
 dearly love to be there, and more, I would also like to give my insight, on the victim, and the offender.I also want to speak of what it is like to live a secret life as a child, and the havoc it creates, in the victim,s lives.



 Former NHLer Sheldon Kennedy will be among the key speakers at a sexual abuse conference in Edmonton that is expected to draw 1,000 participants.

Kennedy was an up-and-coming star who never reached his potential because of his self-destructive off-ice behaviour. He later revealed that he had endured years of sexual abuse at the hands of his junior coach Graham James.

Kennedy has become one of the highest-profile advocates for abused children and brings his message of hope to the National Indigenous Sexual Abuse Conference at the Kingsway Ramada Inn May 12-14. The event is put on by Amisk and Associates Inc.

Amisk and Associates president Allan Beaver said the conference, now in its fifth year, "has helped make a lot of headway towards healing in First Nations communities." For more information, check www.nisac2008.com.

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #25 on: September 15, 2008, 02:37:11 PM »


Hi to everyone!  :)

I am now looking for ways to be a public speaker on the topic of child sexual abuse, and how it affects, the the victim, as they get older. Especially relationships My shyness, is very strong, but I have changed a bit over the years.
Example: I married a man very young, as I could talk to him. He was in the Residential School, growing up, and POPS was molesting the daughters.

Crisis, from that family, were pre dominant over the years. I nevertold him, about my step father, ever!!!! We divorced when I refused to move back east, when the father was ill. The family had him on a pedestal, as he quit drinking years ago, and was a big shot at church.

Does anyone have any clues, or know how to be a public speaker?I really feel I would help a lot of people. I also studied it, as a way of getting past it. It saved my life. Thanks to any responses.


mauvelilac

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #26 on: September 20, 2008, 04:50:41 PM »
I think you could do it Adrian and do it well. As a child I could never talk in front of my classmates. I froze with fear and carried this into my adulthood. When I was in nursing school, a young man who never went on to graduate :'( was always my biggest supporter. He used to tell me, "just imagine everyone in the room is only wearing their underwear." ;D ;D Another thing he told me was to speak from my soul. I was never the greatest public speaker but I always remembered his support. You have a site full of people who support you. I just had the guy with the underwear.
You would be a marvellous motivational speaker for those who are afraid to speak for themselves. Sharing your story would give those people so much encouragement for those who have held in it.
YOU GO GIRL!

debbiec

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #27 on: September 22, 2008, 10:07:37 AM »
Good for you Adrian, for even thinking about doing what you want to. I have always said that it takes someone who has been there to truly understand. From conversations that we have had in the past you know that I am also an abuse survivor, and for that reason (even though I didn't know you're story yet) I was immediately drawn to you when I joined this site. The point I am trying to make is that I believe that you would be able to reach people that may not open up to others. I have also been shy about speaking in front of people all my life so I can really understand that part. I hope you can find a way to overcome that so you can go on to help people.

Chris

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2008, 01:30:02 AM »
Adrian, you are a brave person. All you folks who overcame sex abuse are truely courageous. I think helping other folks is a great way to turn something bad into something good.

Adrian

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Re: Incest + sex abuse:::
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2008, 03:39:32 AM »


Thanks for the warm words, and standing up for me.Debbie, I am happy to see you back!!

Actually, I can speak quite well to groups of people. I also know a lot of people, who work in the abuse fields.I have no shame, on this topic at all.That gives me the advantage over people, from University, who have only studied it.

These people need to listen to us, who have been abused, literally understanding the incredible feelings that are at times over whelming.Re Gaining the coping skills needed to survive society as it is today. They need to hear it loud, and clear that we are not some kind of damaged goods, or nuts. For instance, if someone is disclosing this type of info, they don't need a therapist, Doctor, looking at you, making faces, like ohhh, my god!!!End of conversation.I figure if they can't handle reality, do something else.Same with social workers. If allegations are being made, talk to the kids, not just the parents!!! Parental abuse against their young, they will lie. Spend a lot of time with the child(ren), and the pieces come together.

There is no cure for pedophiles!!!! They are ruthless, manipulative, pretentious, and often they kill!!!! They knowwhat they are doing is wrong, that is why it is a secret. They don't go to work and tell their co workers, what they really did over the weekend, or the night before.

Judges who release these pigs, should be thrown in jail, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Ok, for now, my anger is rising, and I need to sleep.