A friend of mine writes this blog and where my hobby coincided with hers ( armchair sleuths & blogging about raising children) and she made some very good points that I thought reminded me of some of these cases I thought I would see what you guys thought of it.

http://www.morethanamomma.com/2012/03/my-alpha-male-preschooler.html

Thursday, March 15, 2012

My 'Alpha Male' Preschooler

                I am the mother of a 3.5 year old boy who has a lot of male influences in his life, each of which are very regularly involved in his upbringing.  My son is becoming increasingly aggressive, despite my desperate attempts to steer him in the opposite direction. He’s hitting and kicking, mainly out of play and very rarely out of anger, but he’s mainly hitting and kicking ME. The male influences in his life are ‘tough’ and barely notice a hit from a 3 year old, it’s all ‘normal’ to them. For me, his mother, it actually does hurt, and it is by no means acceptable behavior. I've become consumed with the question of where he learns this behavior.
                For starters, my sons name is Hunter. This was a name suggested by me, a name that I actually adored from the time I was a young teenager. The name was immediately agreed upon by his father, an avid outdoorsman. This of course was a hobby passed down from his own father, Hunter’s Grandfather. It certainly seemed harmless at the time. I wanted his father to bond with him. How better to bond with your unborn child, then to play an active role in naming them? However, in retrospect, I would not have chosen this name for him, as it now is a part of him, a part of his identity. His very name suggests primal male superiority, or an ‘Alpha Male’ status. (i.e., hunter vs. gatherer) Will he feel the need to fill these ‘big shoes?’ I hope not, but I fear that I’ve set the stage for it.
                Beyond his name, my son is regularly exposed to ‘manly’ things. All of the main male influences in his life are tough guys, men that don’t cry, men who seek to be at the top of their chain through hunting and fishing. Our entire community survives on the fishing industry, and manly ‘bonding’ time takes place during hunting season – which man can kill the biggest buck and become the ‘alpha’?
                Television has become such a trivial thing in our house. Unintentionally leave the TV on the wrong channel for a few minutes while you’re out of the room, and when you come back you might just find your 3 year old, staring in shock at Peter Griffin (family guy) while he violently stabs a cat.
   As if that’s not enough, Spiderman, Batman, Transformers – “heroes” are all killing and getting rewarded for it. They’re destroying the evil, and in doing so, they become the alpha. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out the ‘cause and effect’ relationship…. It takes a preschooler.
                The use of internet both seems to help and hinder Hunter’s likelihood of becoming an aggressive male. In certain ways, the access to information encourages him to become a thinker, which I pray will encourage him to sort out the difference between what is acceptable behavior and what is not.  However, I see the effect that freedom on the internet has for children. They’re ALL quite capable of getting in to things they’re not supposed to be.  So I’m faced with this decision: do I restrict his access to the internet, quite possibly causing the issue of him not fitting in with his friends and the new socially accepted ‘norm’ of technologically inclined children? Or even possibly a delay in school?  OR, do I allow him free range of the internet like so many parents do?  What IS the perfect medium ground?
                Video games have recently become an issue in our house too.  The thought of an Xbox makes me cringe. ALL of the games I’ve personally seen for xbox (mind you, I haven’t seen many..) seem to have blood, gore, war, killing, and even the horrendous and misogynistic murder of prostitutes in them. Mainly at the hands of a man, who of course is the hero, the alpha, the man my son is supposed to want to be. How can this even be allowed on the market? How can people sit back and watch their sons LAUGH as they simulate having sex with, and then murdering a woman?  The simulated murder of woman who is considered “just a prostitute,” is that not in itself a lesson in male superiority? Is it not spitting in the face of women everywhere?  A prostitute is no less of a human being that me, or my son, or anyone else in the world.
                Certainly Hunter isn’t coordinated enough to use an Xbox controller yet, but mini versions of these games are in iphone land now, and ease of use means that iphone land is definitely becoming preschooler territory.  His iphone use is very closely monitored by me and my significant other, but how long before he figures out how to navigate his way through various parental controls? And what is my course of action once he does figure it out?
                Preschool itself is even a culprit of his aggression.  He goes to preschool and he sees other boys whose play also revolves around superheroes, wrestling, guns and aggression. Teachers do their best to encourage safe and fair play, but how much of their training was focused around dealing with little boys who strive to be the alpha male? (Please, if you’ve touched on this in your training as a teacher, certainly comment below and tell me about it! I want to know!)
                The pressure for Hunter to become an aggressive male is something I dread. I see it everywhere I look. It’s in every aspect of his life. I will preach and preach to him about treating people fairly. He will always be taught that it is never okay to use or abuse a person in any way, but how far will it get me? Actions speak louder than words, and peer pressure certainly speaks louder than moms in many instances. Will the men in his life step up and teach him that absolutely all people are created equal? Or through their actions, will they teach that it is only acceptable to be one type of ‘man’? Will he be able to protect or defend himself if the 'alpha' male in school picks a fight with him? Will be he labelled as a 'fag' or 'wuss'? Or worse, will HE label other children with those names? Will he be accepted by his peers if he doesn’t want to fight other men to prove his manhood? Will he treat his romantic relationships with respect and honesty? Or will he seek to be the dominant partner?
                This mom may not have all the answers, but at least the questions are in my mind, and I will make parenting decisions based on the type of person I hope he will be. I can only hope that people realize the impact that their views, personalities, and actions have on the next generation. 

For further insight in to the issues facing our male children, there is a 7-part video series entitled 'Tough Guise'  on youtube that is very thought provoking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79ijDA_1FVY 

The youtube link is in there at the very end and I did watch it ...It has a lot of statistics on violence.

I searched this before I posted and did not find anything so I'm posting now...If I am wrong and this is in another place I apologize.

Updated: Sat Mar. 10 2012 15:16:22

ctvwinnipeg.ca

Winnipeg police are investigating after a 38-year-old woman was found dead in an apartment building on Edmonton Street Friday night.

Around 8:00 p.m. officers went to an apartment building in the 400 block of Edmonton, after receiving a call that a dead body had been found, said police.

The deceased woman had injuries to her upper body, police said. Police are waiting on the results of an autopsy to confirm the cause of the woman's death.

Police have not released the identity of the victim, and officers are still working to notify the woman's family.

The homicide unit is investigating, and no arrests have been made.

Anyone with information is asked to call investigators at 986-6508 or Crime Stoppers at 786-8477.

Updated: Sun Mar. 11 2012 16:44:06

ctvwinnipeg.ca

The family of the city's latest homicide victim has identified her as 38-year-old Belinda Vivian McKay.

Winnipeg police confirmed it was McKay's body that was found in an apartment building on Edmonton Street Friday evening.

McKay's family said she was a mother of two young children who had been living in Winnipeg since last spring. McKay's uncle said she moved here from Cross Lake for medical reasons for her son. He believes she was living with her boyfriend prior to her death.

McKay was found dead with serious upper body injuries, but the official cause of death has not been released yet, pending an autopsy, police said.

Members of the homicide unit are continuing to investigate and no arrests have been made.

Anyone with information is asked to call investigators at 986-6508 or Crime Stoppers at 786-8477.

Canadian woman missing from cruise ship near Florida           CTVNews.ca Staff

Date: Thursday Mar. 1, 2012 10:26 AM ET

A Canadian woman who was travelling with her boyfriend on a cruise ship between the Bahamas and Florida has gone missing.

The woman's name has not been released, but she is reported to be 47 years old.

Charles Kinnear, president of Celebration Cruise Line, confirmed a woman went missing somewhere between Grand Bahama island and Florida, but provided few other details.

"At this point we have a person who is unaccounted for whom we are pretty sure was on board," Kinnear told ABC News.

According to reports, the woman's boyfriend last saw her at about 1 a.m. Wednesday near the ship's gift shop. He then went to the casino, and when he went back to their cabin later in the evening she had still not returned.

The boyfriend then went to sleep, and only reported the woman missing at about 8 a.m., after he awoke in the morning and found she was still absent.

At that point the Bahamas Celebration was arriving in Florida's Port of Palm Beach in Riviera Beach, Fla.

According to reports the ship was searched twice, and the U.S. Coast Guard has launched its own search for the woman.

"We've given them our complete track from when we left Grand Bahama last night, every position we took through the evening," Kinnear said.

"We're still hoping for the best, that somehow she snuck off the vessel or she's still hiding somewhere, avoiding the search."

The FBI has reportedly taken over the investigation.

Read more: http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20120301/canadian-woman-missing-from-cruise-ship-120301/#ixzz1nt9LfjFh

From the Chronicle Herald



Attempted homicides up 69 per cent, most other crimes down from 2010

More people were murdered in the Halifax area last year than the year before, and attempted murders were also up, police crime statistics show.

But most other crimes, ranging from property damage to prostitution matters, dropped, Halifax Regional Police said Monday.

The numbers show a record 19 homicides in 2011, a nearly 73 per cent increase from the 11 in 2010, while attempted murders rose by nearly 69 per cent, to 32 last year from 19 the year before.

"We’ve acknowledged that our homicides and attempted homicides are (in) record numbers," said Const. Brian Palmeter, spokesman for the force.

The previous record for homicides was 12 in 2009 and 2005.

Of the 19 homicides recorded last year, 13 have been solved while six are still under investigation, Palmeter said.

"A lot of the violent crime, specifically, is between people engaged in a criminal lifestyle," he said.

"The vast majority are between people known to one another."

Two of the homicides were nursing- home deaths in which no one was found culpable, while another resulted from a car crash after which a driver was charged with criminal negligence causing death, Palmeter said.

Of the 13 solved killings, more than half involved people "engaged in criminal activity," he said. "Eight or nine are people involved . . . in the drug subculture, things of that nature."

But that doesn’t make the deaths any less disturbing, he said.

Two unsettling crimes investigators dealt with were the separate, random killings of two elderly people, Palmeter said. Lavinia Campbell was murdered during a robbery at her Dartmouth home in December, while Glenn Francis Oakley was shot to death while out for his evening walk in Spryfield in November.

"Those incidents are the ones that are absolutely shocking, where somebody’s been killed without any real rhyme or reason," Palmeter said.

"Those ones where there’s no known connection between the people, those are the ones that tend to be more shocking to the public."

Teenagers have been charged in each of those slayings.

Police Chief Frank Beazley, in his Monday presentation to the board of police commissioners, said people under age 24 commit the most crimes.

Stephen Perrott, a psychology professor at Mount Saint Vincent University in Halifax who specializes in policing and criminal justice, said there are root causes for such despicable acts.

"The reality, though, is as a society we don’t have any core values anymore," said Perrott, who was a Halifax police officer from 1976 to ’86.

"You’d be hard-pressed to get any feeling out of them (young offenders) at all," he said. "There’s no easy answer here. There are more and more kids who don’t feel like they have any stake in what society has to offer."

Perrott, who has also done policing work in West Africa, said our society is better off and yet there is still more inexplicable violence.

"Lot of kids . . . are walking around and swarming people," he said.

"These kids are all clothed, they all eat, they all have their smartphones. The point is, they don’t have investment in society and they don’t see any hope in the future."

Palmeter said police have made inroads in reducing a number of crimes, most notably break and enters.

"B and Es are down 23 per cent," he said. "Those are the things that are affecting everybody, homeowners . . . anybody that owns shops and stores."

Motor vehicle collisions also dipped substantially, as did injuries from traffic accidents, police said.

There were 5,533 reported collisions last year, down from 8,127 the previous year. And injuries resulting from crashes dropped to 814 in 2011 from 1,141 in 2010.